The Laughable Lieutenant
By: Mynah Byrd

With remarkable self-restraint, a few prisoners only tittered politely behind their palms.

Lieutenant "Little Jack" threw a tantrum. He was always a blustering bully, but the tantrum made him look even sillier. He screamed and raved. He shouted and cursed. It was hilarious.

Titters became guffaws.

Prisoners were laughing at Little Jack. It made him furious. Red faced, he ranted and stamped his feet. It was hilarious!

Prisoners employed in the kitchen had mocked Little Jack. It was a favorite sport. Little Jack was a joke. One of the prisoners perfectly mimicked his self-important voice and manner. That made Little Jack angry. He blustered. He swore, "motherfuck this," "goddamn that!" He behaved as professionally as a ghetto hobo. It was hilarious. Everybody laughed at him.

Little jack threatened them. Like most bullies, he relied heavily on threats and violence. He had nothing else. Nobody respected him.

Lieutenant Little Jack ordered the prisoners not to laugh at him. Didn't they realize how important he was? He was a genuine lieutenant of the guard. What could be more important than that? He would hurt them if they didn't shut up.

Trembling with fury, Little Jack sat in the corner. He was an addict. He needed a fix. He puffed on a fag. It didn't help much. Little Jack was one truly ugly man, what a nurse had once called "a fright." Strutting around with a cigarette dangling from his quivering lips, trying to intimidate people didn't improve the picture. A jerk is a jerk. It was hilarious.

It was not an unusual incident. Pompous bullies on the prison guard force frequently behave like kindergarten brats. Little Jack is a nobody pretending to be a somebody. It's hilarious and ineffective. The clever thing was how effectively the prisoner mimicked him. The prisoner got the admiration. Little Jack got the titter.

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"The sole difference between me and a madman
is the fact that I'm not mad,"
Salvador Dali, 1948

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