Timothy (known as "Timmie") Greenwater doesn't suffer from a Napoleon-complex. He's a real plumber and a proud member of the state prison staff. Timmie's not a guard, but a so-called tradesman. That means that he's a kind of handyman, a plumber! He's very, very important especially to toilets. Timmie Greenwater doesn't suffer from a Napoleon-complex. He's not a runt, nothing like that, and he doesn't really have beady, reptilian eyes. Mr. Greenwater's what you'd call compact, but not at all pompous or self-important. Think of him as adequate to his calling as plumber-bureaucrat to prisoners. What Timmie is, more than anything else, is unfulfilled. First, he'd struggled to become an electrician. When he failed, he turned to masonry. Finally, timmie had to settle for Plumber after he flunked out of carpentry, hairdressing and dressmaking. Nobody really much wanted him. At last, he landed a plumb job working for the Department of Correcitons. The "D.O.C.," as it's called, doesn't expect much from employees. As they say, "birds of a feather, flock together." Timmie finally found where he belonged, working with others as mediocre as he is, a bureaucrat plumber in a prison. Although moribund among garden variety bureaucrats, the great American entrepreneurial spirit is not quite dead. A few exemplary members of the Pennsylvania prison staff yearn to be ingenuous. the DOC is, generally speaking, staffed by flops, has-beens, misfits, outcasts and failures; persons who cn't succeed in private industry; losers. Most of these inept bumblers are hopeless twits, social misfits, unable to adjust tot hedemands of ordinary society. A very few of them transcend their limitations. In spite of being outcasts, they have dreams of being, if not great, at least, normal. SO it is with Timmie Greenwater. As a boy Timmie was cute in a pugnacious kind of way. His sister, Getrude (called Big Rocky), dmoninated his mercilessly. He spent a lot of time playing with dolls. By the time hew as fifteen, Timmie replaced Barbie with more manly dolls, GI Joe. In later life as a prison plumber, timmie's fond memories of dressing and undressing Joe, inspired him. Using discarded bits and pieces from the job, Timmie designed and built a prototype of a plumber doll. He couldn't call it a doll. It was an "action figure." Timmie Greenwater, who doesn't suffer from a Napoleon-complex, modeled his manly action figure after himself, as closely as purloined plumbing materials would permit. Because he himself so longs to be important, the proud Mister Greenwater named his plunger-pumping creation: "His Majesty The Plumber," "Tsar of Drips," "Prince of Plastic Piping," "AND, By the Grace of God, Monarch of the Flush." Get it? Plumbing is about toilets, the toilet is a throne, thrones are for kings, kings are addressed as His Majesty. It doesn't mean that Timmie Greenwater has a Napoleon-complex. Of course, he does like to war a cape and tights on special occasions. He visualizes his manly action figure as an elegant superhero with beady, reptilian eyes, but replete with allt he latest tgechnological advantages. A drab-brown prison-worker's uniform conceals a neatly furled pink cape with matching sequin collar. Peel off the manly trousers and you reveal pink sequined briefs bearing, on front and rump, a large purple "Ps" within a crwon reading "His Majesty." By pulling a washer discretely dangling from His Majesty's manly utility belt, an electronic voice announces "You don't know what you're talking about!" while the doll struts around in circles pointing a plastic finger. The display puts one in mind of the Queen of Hearts in Alice In Wonderland bellowing "Off with their heads!" The doll says nine other important phrases such as "It's a leak," and "Don't flush it! Please, don't flush it!" Due to a minor flaw in circuit design, His Majesty's electronic voice seems a bit shrill and prone to stammering, but it's not really girlish. In the prototype, only one arm is articulated. Although it doesn't move very well, with some effort the arm can turn a miniature wrench in either direciton. What more skill could a bureaucrat plumber need? It can point an accusing finger at any presumptuous peasant possessed of problematic plumbing who pleads for a plumbing boon. His Majesty's most salient feature is, however, its ability to float. As nobody knows better than Timmie Greenwater, plumbers lead amoist and miserable existence. Timmie (who doesn't suffer from a Napoleon-complex) visualizes marketing his creation in a box resembing a toilet with His Majesty floating in brownish fluid, half submerged amid lumpy flotsam. His ideal package would bear the slogan "It rhymes with bird." Plumber Greenwater is rightly proud of his design. He's offered it to numberous doll manufacturers. They say that there's no interest in plumber dolls. I find that hard to believe. Who wouldn't want a prison plumber doll with reptilian eyes?