The baby who grew up as Scotty
Had his head dunked into his potty.
The effect on his mind
Proved rudely unkind;
Thereafter he thought he was Dotty!
As a boy, Scott grew catty and shrill,
Spiteful, envious; girlishly frill.
He peeped for the fun
On the neighbor's sweet son
And he scratched though his undies for thrill.
Maturing, his passion was peeping
When he wasn't occupied creeping.
Like a lass on a tear,
He craved guys' underwear
And snatching their trinkets for keeping.
A great searcher, grown Scotty became,
Creep, peeping, he stole just the same;
Being sissy inside,
He's unable to hide
Addiction to his pettiness game.
Soon a guard he finagled to be.
Soiled boxers he lusted to see.
He could seize all my stuff
While he treated me rough
And he wrecked me most vengefully.
He aged ever petty and mean,
Stealing trash and causing a scene.
He seized paper clips
As if enemy ships
With his feminine envy bright green.
Balding with age and festering hate,
Is baiting inmates really so great?
He could take their small job,
Their treasures destroy;
But honor he failed to relate.
Now he's old and gone into the earth,
A ridiculous object of mirth.
Will my stuff that he stole
Warm him down in that hole?
Will my treasures light up his dank berth?
For all guards, the moral proves true,
Treat prisoners as they should treat you
Don't torture for stress.
Don't search to cause mess
One day you may be an inmate, too.
Number Two:
The Ballad Of Captain Fear
And The Three Scary Things
He's scared as scared he can be.
"Pretty please don't try firing me!
"I'm afraid and I quake,
"A mistake I might make.
"For the worst of my fears there are three."
Captain Fear is an old prison guard.
No part of his duties are hard.
He's paid just to lean,
With a bonus for mean;
It is done by most any retard.
Fear's a trembler as you should know,
To extremes his compulsions must go.
He harasses the guys
While professing black lies
And he slithers ever more low.
For his manias, Captain has cause.
Both his parents had serious flaws'
A gambling mother,
A runaway father;
They even had faked Santa Claus!
He was lost my his mommy at two
Because State beat out her pick, Purdue.
Against just three pack,
She gave her kid the sack.
But the winner swapped for a brew.
Daddy skipped out whenever he could.
Escaping his family seemed good.
He'd pry open the door,
Or dig down through the floor;
Fleeing as a caged animal would.
The effect on the youth was profound!
As a guard his terrors unbound.
Fanatic to stamp out
Every gambling bout
And escapes he would run to the ground.
Neurotic, the young Fear went mad.
To wager like his mother was bad!
And just thoughts of release
Brought a cry for police.
Insanity in guards is so sad!
His third terror was knowledge, per se.
It worried him by night and by day.
Find a con with a brain,
(Worst fear, restrain!)
So search him in a malicious way.
But take heart, you friends of the cops,
Some of them really aren't flops.
Captain Fear is a nut,
But, really, so what?
With all guards, insanity's tops.
Number Three:
The Verse
To Spyglass Brown
The twit gluing the lens to his eye,
Is ecstatic at being a spy.
On the men he will peek,
Petty errors to seek.
To hide his own faults, is the why.
How silly some grown men try to be,
Cops and guards, especially.
Let one taste some power,
He'll spy by the hour.
A joke, Spyglass Brown seems to me.
Peepholes, keyholes and such,
Always arouse him ever so much!
To hide his own faults,
Mere inmates he faults;
Snitch a prisoner doing some wrong.
Don't snicker or titter at Brown.
He's neurotic. He always must frown.
That he's silly and dumb
Has been making him glum.
Can he help that he's such a clown?
Number Four:
My tribute To Fido,
Girl-Guard
[To follow soon, stay tuned!] |