We all recognize how dangerous those Catholics are. We all recognize the threat that their frightening rosary beds pose to a totalitarian state. Finally, our upstanding Department of Corrections has taken decisive measures to control the grave threat of the rosary.
The Pennsylvania Department of Corrections is the epitome of intolerance and oppression. It is staffed by gutless wonders who, like timid sissies, are terrified of everything and see threats in every corner. But, bravely, they have finally acted against the terrifying rosary beads.
Demonstrating great religious tolerance, the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections graciously permits prisoners to be Catholic. But, the State must abridge the free exercise of such a foreign and doubtless subversive faith. The rosary beads are the target of state control. Rosary beads are VERY dangerous. Rosary beads are VERY scary! To control those Catholics (a lot of whom are inferior foreigners like Latinos and even Pollacks) Pennsylvania prisons are now in full control of the dangerous rosary beads!
If you are a prisoner in Pennsylvania and you are so misguided as to be a Catholic, you must surrender your rosary beads. DOC simply steals them. Catholic prisoners may have only flimsy plastic beads and they must be only white, and no decorations, either.
Only Catholics are effected by the regulation. Anyone else may have whatever kind of beads they want. The fancy Muslim prayer beads are not effected. This singles out and crushes only the dangerous rosary beads of the dangerous Catholics.
I know that I for one feel much safer now that the dangerous rosary beads are under strict state control. We should all thank Governor Tom "Gestapo" Ridge and his Minister of Misery, Martin "Start-The-Ovens" Horn for finally dealing with the threat of rosary beds.
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