You better hold your water if you venture into the unfriendly and slightly perverse boundaries of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Citizens get arrested, fined and sometimes tossed into jail for the crime of pissing! What kind of a sexually obsessed police force has a piss bureau? Bill Joyce has some strange interests. He's the commander of the Pittsburgh cops who organized the expensive and downright silly Pittsburgh Piss Police Squad. He rounded up some comrades who were unable to do much of anything else, but who were interested in looking for (and at) pricks producing piss. Lot's of cops have an interest in looking at other guys' wieners, call it a fascination of the hose-hounds. Cop Thomas Weger and fellow investigator, Matthew Turke won the coveted Piss Police Patrol positions. They actually spent their time skulking around part of Pittsburgh trying to sniff out weewee offenders, peeping at pudenda and detecting flows of bladder-bounty. You think I'm making this us. You figure that a big city like Pittsburgh has more than enough real crime. It couldn't sanely delegate two cops, no matter how ineffectual, inept and useless, to the "potty patrol" (as they like to cutely call it). You think that no police force is quite that petty, perverse and preoccupied with peter. But I'm not making it up. This is the facts as I know them. Commander Bill "wiz-watcher" Joyce has his twin Tinkle Bells uncovering the pissers and attempted pissers. When they nab a disgorging-dick (or sometimes a wetting-woman) making water in a no-watering zone, the brave cops triumphantly do their duty. They don't just shake a stick at the pissers, directing them to a urinal (of which Pittsburgh should be sued for having far too few), the peepee peepers slap the criminals with a fine - $300 according to published reports. Isn't this a great use for the resources of the police and courts? dick-detectives!