Tinkler,
The Guard

One of Pennsylvania's 71 county jails 1 is located in the metropolis of Greensburg in Westmoreland County in the dreary southwestern part of the Commonwealth. The guards at the prison are drawn from one of the more bazaar ethnic groups (dare we say pools?) in the state, the Pissabedites. Because of the unique toilet training imposed on their little boys, Pissabedite men are prone to unfortunate habits as they mature.

So, we come to Randy Wett Wiener, one of the several Wieners loitering around the Westmoreland County lock-up. Putting it bluntly, Randy likes to piss! He especially likes to piss on prisoners. Since very few prisoners will stand still for Wiener's watering, Randy likes to use their cots as urinals.

To all you mothers out there, see what bad toilet training can do!

Recently Randy got into a tiff with Shawn Brown, a prisoner from Monessen. Randy whipped out his diminutive faucet and tinkled all-over Shawn's cot! Fortunately for Randy-The-Tinkler, his victim slept on the bottom bunk.

Unfortunately for The-Tinkler, he got caught. As you would expect from any guard, Randy lied. He hadn't really pissed on Shawn's mattress, it was just a puddle of lemon Kool-Ade.

Even in Greensburg they recognize a Pissabedite and Randy was suspended. The prisoner had to clean up the mess.

[Okay, so some of this story has been slightly fictionalized, but a guard did piss on a prisoner's cot and 2 mentally ill prisoners were beaten by guards. A typical Pennsylvania jail!