Alonzo Piper is a cop in Lower Paxton Township
outside Harrisburg, Pennsylvania's
unfriendly capital city. When he turned 41 he seems to have
entered a sexual mid-life crises. Peckers get middle aged, too,
you know.
As the report goes, cop Al and his middle-aged pecker answered a complaint about an under-aged drinking party. We all know how dangerous and important it is to keep kids away from beer, not to mention middle-aged peckers. Cop Al is said to have found a comely teenaged girl. The honey was drunk, vulnerable and easily managed. The district attorney says that cop Al drove the drunken teenager to his apartment in Harrisburg. It's hard to say everything that happened once he got her there. Suffice it to say, cop Al (and his demanding pecker) were charged with a lengthy menu of offenses, sexual an otherwise. It all goes to prove what Lois used to tell me, "a headstrong penis trumps a strong head." In fairness, we don't know what cop Al did with his headstrong penis before it entered middle-age (or entered anything else, for that matter).
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