The benevolent government of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has a huge surplus of money; a fortune of over half a billion dollars! available to be returned to us and our families. Your government has so much extra money it can offer you and each person in the Commonwealth a rebate of $35.95!
To apply for your share of the trove, just phone your state legislator. You can find his number in the yellow pages under "Scoundrel." Tell him to get rid of the many thousands of prisoners in Commonwealth prisons who should have been paroled years ago and to give the money back to the citizens.
Your only obstacle to getting your rebate may be the welfare jobs. The state has many hundreds of rural Republicans on its welfare roles. On average, each of these freeloaders collect about $50,000 a year in pay and benefits. To justify the welfare, the Commonwealth pretends that these people are "employed." Each one of these welfare recipients imitates a real worker, but in actuality he's just a prison guard or Corrections bureaucrat.
See, if the Commonwealth paroled all the eligible ex-offenders, it could close a third of the state's prisons. That would mean that a third of the prison "jobs" would dry up and over $580,000,000.00 in your tax money would stop flowing into rural Republican areas of the state. Those poor folks simply can't survive without the welfare. Taxpayers have to support them!
So, sorry, kiss your $35.95 rebate good-bye. It's being used to buy votes in rural Republican areas.
Return to The Parole Menu Page.
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