Censors Seize VERY Scary
Map
From Prisoner's Mail

By: E.L. MacSpatch

We all breathe easier now that the conscientious censors have seized the terrifying map from a prisoner's mail. Two Department Of Corrections officials have received treatment for their anxiety attacks. The chief censor is finally responding to psychological therapy.

The villainous prisoner who precipitated the scare gives his version:
"Some patriotic firm sent me a mailing. Enclosed as a promotional item was a map of the United States. The censors got really really scared. They seized the map. It was much too dangerous for me to see. Never mind that the school rooms, library books and even postage stamps depict the forbidden image.

"I appealed to the warden. He's an expert on censorship. He likes censorship a lot. He's especially sensitive to grown men looking at titties. Titties are bad. They frighten the warden.

"This is what I wrote to the censorship-wise warden:
I appeal to you from the censor's confiscation of a publication characterized as a 'Large Map of USA.' A map of the United States has never been taboo. It certainly poses no security risk; what, they don't want me to know where Arizona is? Local area maps like those published almost daily in the newspapers may pose a twinge of apprehension for the frail of heart, but terror over a national map is exaggerated paranoia. It's absurd.

"The warden wasn't allowed to look at my appeal because it was written on the wrong form. The use of the wrong form can be pretty frightening all by itself. He returned my appeal and tersely please-be-advised-me to correct my effrontery. I did. I've been a bad boy!

We for one, are grateful to the censors and the ardent prison administrators. We feel that it's money well spent. Why should a scumbag prisoner be allowed to actually behold an image of this great U.S.of A. of ours? If things like this go unchecked, the next thing you know those prisoners will expect to be allowed to hear the National Anthem, or look at pictures of the great American military gunning down helpless Arabs! Where would it stop?

We resent the inference that the Department Of Corrections is silly or out of touch with reality.

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