Recruiting More Prison Guards
With The Mobile Brainchild of

Big-Spender Beard
By: Elmer Miller

He doesn't have enough money for adequate food for the prisoners, but he's got plenty for costly special dishes for the prison staff. He doesn't have enough money for the essential rehabilitation programs for the prisoners, but he's got plenty for "classes" for the prison staff. He doesn't have enough money for adequate medical care for the prisoners, but he's got plenty for "free" medical everything for the prison staff, psychiatry, dental, optical, medical, etc., etc. He doesn't have enough money to operate a prison system from which prisoners can be paroled, but he's got plenty for month-long taxpayer-financed vacations for the prison staff.

The Secretary of corrections; Jeffrey Beard, has VERY confused priorities. His foolish uses of tax money are irrational. While he whines that he doesn't have enough tax money to mismanage the cancerously exploding prison system, he's spending a small fortune to buy, equip and staff his MRU. Corrections-types may not be able to think, but they can sure use initials.

Beard's MRU is a Mobile Recruiting Unit, an elaborate, expensive motorized wagon to lure more suckers into being prison guards! The "Pope of Punishment" wants more women and minorities who are willing to stoop to being jailers. Of course, he'll also take regular rednecks, bumblers, intellectual midgets, neurotics and welfare dropouts just like always.

It's like the invasion of the body-snatchers. Being a prison guard and undergoing the desensitizing brutality of "training" and indoctrination turns many more-or-less "normal" people into oafish guards, unable to think for themselves or act decently. That's just what the Tyrant of Torment wants. The prisons are big business, major employers for the unemployable, refuges for the under-achiever. Why do you think Jeffery Beard has made it his chosen occupation?

The prison system is rapidly inflating because people aren't being paroled. They aren't being paroled because Mister Beard's prison system flunks. It fails. It doesn't work. What else could you expect?


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