Slime, Slimy & Slimier,
Department Of Corrections Lawyers
Employed By The Taxpayers

Lest you imagine otherwise, the system is utterly corrupt. It simply doesn't work.

We taxpayers spend just about a million dollars a year to employ lawyers to lie and cheat the prisoners; and that's only the Department Of Corrections' contingent. In addition, taxpayers drop over another million dollars to the Attorney General's office for yet another crew of official liars.

On the "level playing field," as our Supreme Court pictures American justice, there are a few self-taught prisoners with no staffs or resources facing $2,000,000 worth of highly-educated, Penn-Dot quality, publicly enriched lawyers with huge public staffs, endless resources, libraries, offices and even such luxuries as telephones!

The law is only a "playing field" to lawyers and the absurd Supreme Court. To prisoners, the law is deadly serious. It's life and death. It's a panicked struggle to survive in an inhumane sea of charade. It's the nightmare of being helplessly enmeshed in an infernal machine which is intent upon destroying you.

We taxpayers want to frustrate justice. We want to assure that prisoners lose. We employ every dirty trick, lie and cruelty to hold down the unjustly imprisoned. Our first line of offense against being decent citizens, is the flaw firm of Slime, Slimy and Slimier, Attorneys At Flaw! These are the dishonest, unscrupulous, unprincipled lawyers on the public dole; the experts that you employ to say and do anything in order to thwart justice: a cadre of besmirched proctologists!

The Pennsylvania Department Of Corrections (DOC) is about as slimy as a public agency can get. It needs really slimy lawyers who lie as naturally as prison administrators lie. Nobody is quite sure how many lawyers DOC has. How many slugs do you get for a million bucks? I do know a few of the individuals because I've had to cope with them.

The Chief Counsel of DOC is Sarah Vanderbraak, has this girl found a niche! Her subordinates include such gems as Robin M. Lewis (but not Batman), Jill C. Fluck (honest! I didn't make that up), Heather Faust (probably the least offensive of this mob of hens). Men stoop to working as DOC lawyers, too. David B. Farney, Shawn Kenny and a not-yet-fully-indoctrinated newcomer, Thomas Mara are among them.

Slime, Slimy and Slimier will do ANYTHING! They have no compunction about lying, cheatin, changing evidence or stabbing mommy in the kidneys. They do your bidding.

What kind of unsavory stuff do your lawyers of the DOC do to earn their pieces of sliver? Well, right now, they are working on their Let 'm Burn! Case! Foolishly, some prisoners think that even prisoners deserve to be reasonably safe from fire and smoke. The crybaby prisoners think that they shouldn't have to suffocated or be roasted in the event of a prison fire.

As usually happens, the law seems to be on their side. It says that buildings, even prisons, should be safe. Prisoners are supposedly protected by the Fire And Panic Act. Some prisoners have petitioned the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry to enforce the law so that they are just a little safer.

The DOC says "Let 'm Burn!" Labor And Industry says "Let 'm Burn!" The fine, public-spirited lawyers whom you employ say "Let 'm Burn!" That means that you say "Let 'm Burn!"

You surely pay a vast fortune to insure that the prisons are kept tragic deathtraps. It makes very little sense. Slime, Slimy and Slimier cost us $30,000 in legal fees to keep the prisons unsafe. It would cost $20,000 to make the prisons safe. Who benefits, us taxpayers or the unprincipled lawyers of the DOC?

When prisoners start to educate themselves in the law, they are astonishingly naive and honest. It may sound silly, but prisoners have a real respect for the law. They just expect it to be a two edged sword which applies to the master as well as the slave. The typical jailhouse lawyer is meticulously honest, careful and respectful of the courts and the rules. The respect doesn't last long!

DOC lawyers promptly teach prisoners that lawyers are liars, cheats and opportunists. Because they hold honor in contempt, the DOC lawyers are the example which encourages jailhouse lawyers to hedge. But, by and large, if a jailhouse lawyer tells you something, he believes it to be true and correct, it's his best, most honorable effort. Of course, sometimes he's wrong, but he never sinks to the stench of Slime, Slimy and Slimier.

DOC lawyers are among the worst in the world, not simply inept, but bad people! Conservative politicians, themselves mostly slimy lawyers want to help DOC. They have done everything in their power to muzzle jailhouse lawyers and give DOC the edge. They could have saved the effort. Pennsylvania's corrupt courts have become rubber stamps for DOC nonsense, but isn't that what you pay them to do? Be unjust to the under class?