This article has nothing to do with prejudices as in a racial context. What I have to say here about myself has come about because two very intelligent women I respect highly - Mrs. Feigley, publisher of www.prisoners.com and Chyenne Morning Star of The Good Medicine Society - both hold the same opinion about me. Normally, I wouldn't give a shit what someone thought about who I am. It's what I think and feel about myself, that truly matters in the end. Because it's I, who has to live with me. You haven't walked a mile in my shoes. You haven't seen nor experienced the ugliness of this world like I have and you haven't lived my life on the hard road. With that said, what these two women - whom I hold in high regard - think of what comes out of my thought process, does affect me on an emotional level. It's good to know that despite my sometimes extreme views, opinions, prejudices and mental hang ups that are the direct result of my own personal life experiences, these two women - though they personally don't always agree with what I feel or what I have to express about things - they still allow me to be me anyway.

If I held a lot of my feelings in, it would become like a cancer and fester. It then would grow into frustration. That frustration would become anger. That anger would then become hate. That hate would turn into rage and none of this has a positive life changing outcome. I don't need people to agree with me. I don't need to be right or wrong. I just need people to understand there is a reason why I am the way I am. Despite these facts, I'm still growing on multiple levels as a human being.

On one side, Mrs. Feigley has given me the forum to finally free a lifetime of feelings, emotions, views and opinions. For most of my life - even as far back as childhood - I've had to keep these emotions stuffed deep down within myself for far too damn long. To expose myself in this way, only opens up the door for people to judge or ridicule me, leaving me vulnerable to all kinds of crap. That's okay though, it's a chance I'm willing to take. You will get to share a part of my life with me and see the screwed up things that caused me to be who I am. You'll also get to see my humanism too.

Thanks to Mrs. Feigley - in the not so distant future - you'll get to hear my original music and talent on www.prisoners.com. By writing these articles and my songs it gives me a true look at my inner self. I'm not perfect my friends. As hard as that is to believe, I'm not blind to my own short- comings or inner conflicts. Nor am I in denial about my own bullshit. It is what it is.

On the other side; I have Chyenne Morning Star. She is teaching me things on a spritual human level through The Good Medicine Society that are priceless. She is one of a very few people I've known in my life that could ever deal with me on the multiple levels that make up the true me. That's no easy feat let me tell you. Whether it deals with the ancient texts I believe in, my emotions, the sometimes extreme views or opinions I hold or the Native American Red Road of spirituality and wisdom I'm upon, Chyenne is light-years ahead of me on all these subjects and levels.

When these highly intelligent women from opposite ends of this country hold the exact same opinion of me - as much as I'd like to deny it - I have to believe it to be true. I could justify or explain it away. That would be easy to do, but I still must face the reality about myself. The truth is the truth ... So now I have to ask myself, what am I going to do about it? Both Mrs. Feigley and Chyenne have told me about my views and opinions that are prejudiced by the life I was - at times - forced to live. That's not an easy pill to have to swallow or accept. I wish I could be the total compassionate human being as these women are. But it's not that easy or simple for me. I'm an extremely deep person on an emotional plane. My compassion just runs on a different path. I have a huge unconditional love for innocence, which we as a society have seemed to have lost. I'm a guy who cries when I see something heart-breaking on the television or in a movie, but on the other side of the spectrum, when dealing with an evironment that is full of predatory human piranhas and parasites,

I can be very dangerous to protect myself and my loved ones, as my criminal record will attest to. Does these facts make me a threat or a danger to "innocent society?" No ... because I would always place myself in the way of harm to protect the innocent. I hurt for good people who have gone astray and have fallen victim to drug addictions, prostitution, a corrupt American justice system, child molestation and rape. All issues that I have had personal experiences in dealing with.

I honestly believe there is a way back to the road of redemption. The plight of our Native Americans hits me deeply. The neglect of our elderly and children. It can be so damn over-whelming. I do feel. I love and most of all I do care about human suffering. I have a compassionate heart as big as the world. But I have been prejudiced by my life experiences. I'm trapped in an envirenment filled with human ignorance and stupidity. I'm surrounded by human predators on both sides of the law who wish to be nothing in life other than low-life, scumbag, bottom feeding predators. Despite my prejudices, short-comings, failures, mistakes and my own brand of stupidity, I have never lost my ability to love or the desire to be a human being. I don't claim to be above or better than anyone else.

As you will read in my articles and Twisted Comics here on this web site. I am an equal opportunist. I even expose myself for my misdeeds, prejudices, ignorance and just plain bullshit. I realize for my own sanity. I must find some common ground between the good attributes I need to achieve in myself to be a decent human being and the past life experiences that have created my prejudices. I have lived in some of the mean street black ghettos of the big city. I survived a couple tough gladiator schools within the Califonina Department of Corrections where they never corrected a damn thing. The only thing they taught me was how to stay alive and get them before they got me. That was the law of the land. On several occasions I have seen one man murder another man. I've seen first hand the devastating affects predators of children have had on the lives of others (including what it did to my own mother). For the past 28 years I've lived among some of the worst predatory - scumbag - bottom feeders on this planet ... So you'll have to just forgive me if I am deeply prejudiced against this type of people. This in no way lets me off the hook for any of my wrongs.

I'm not in denial about who I may be. I struggle daily to over come my personal life experiences. All the negative foul and nasty shit I've had to listen to over a billion times coming from the mouths of people in prison is enough to make any normal citizen begin to fester a seed of deep hatred. The many cruel and brutal things I've personally witnessed with my own two eyes that human beings do to one another is life altering. How could these things have not affected me on a psychological level? Again I'm not trying to justify my prejudices or human flaws. I didn't just wake up one day and decide to hold these views or opinions. I'm in an inner conflict with this crap. It's almost impossible within these prison walls to get a grip. I have all these cancers shoved down my throat at every turn and within each living moment, there seems to be no escape from this ugliness. To be honest ... I don't know how I'm going to be able to over come these major issues that have plagued my life. It's not like I'm an idiot. I have a lot of wisdom and knowledge. I've been educated. I have the Native American teachings to help guide me. I have these two great women Mrs. Sandra Feigley and Chyenne Morning Star doing their part on my psyche. They're good role models. Most of all, I have my friend Midnite Crow Feather (Christopher Henry Hubbard) who truly keeps my wild ass grounded.

Change is never easy. I have become desensitized to the things that would devastate your life forever. I don't know if I can ever fully find my way back from this lifetime of hell, but I'll never give up on myself. If I don't believe in me, others wont believe in me either. I'm sure the answers I seek to my dilemma lie upon thes path I am on. The key is to find an environment that will nurture my spiritual and emotional growth and well being. This I believe will be found upon the Native American Red Road.

I would love to devote my life and musical talent working with a non-profit organization that deals solely with these issues that I have experienced during my life. I believe life of service to others in need and in trouble will give me my road to redemption and allow me to turn all my negative experiences into positive life changing actions for others. I want to be the real me that has been trapped since childhood. I've lived upon a nightmare road. I've learned to face my demons and experiences that have haunted me and also created my prejudices. Before you judge me too harshly, try to understand what my life has been subjected to. If you can get beyond my hardness, you'll see a kind, loving, caring and talented guy who hasn't forgotten how to feel.

"People seem not to see that their opinion
of the world is also a confession of
character"
Ralph W. Emerson, 1860

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