Here we are again. I hope that something of a positive nature has come of this. I have opened myself up to be ridiculed but that's O.K., if it gets people to thinking, talking and looking at Native Americans with the respect due them, it's well worth it. I have thick skin anyway. In days of old, an indigenous man in North America would go on a hunt. He would never think of being greedy. He would take enough to feed his family, then distribute the rest of the meat to the orphan children, the poor, the elderly or widows of fallen warriors. There was no room for I, I or Me, Me, Me. The survival of the whole tribe counted on this honorable act of human kindness. Where is that type of devotion to ones people in this world today? Wherever I look I see ugliness in how people treat oneanother. When an Indian man's brother or friend fell in battle, he would usually take his brother's wife as his own and raise the childern too, in addition to the wife and children he already had. There was no second thought about how am I going to care for them, nor was there room for the ideology of todays America, which is; "They're not my responsiblity." Native people didn't think that way. I admire that in ways I could never fully express. The self sacrifice of the Native Americans for each other when they were being butchered by the thousands, blows my mind. It's these things I can relate to deeply. This is only one example of the million things I'm learning about my own heritage and the Native Americans that are changing me within as a human being in a moving direction. In this endeavor the jails, prisons and jail-house programming failed. I have always had a compassionate heart. It's my nature. Because of the environments I've been forced to live in, I have had to be hard and tough or these people that surround me would eat me alive. That is the reality of my life. For me though, If I'm your friend, I'm your friend. If I say I love you, I mean it from the bottom of my heart, and when I love someone it's forever! I don't blow which ever way the wind blows. I have never been a wishy-washy type of guy. Does my hardness or the fact that I have been desensitized to things most of society could never phathom make me a bad man? I have this way of watching everything that goes on around me, thanks to the Gladiator Schools I endured within the California Prison System. I hear what comes from peoples' mouths. I watch their actions. In this way, many of my views and opinions are conceived. This you'll see reflected in my Twisted Comics artwork and the lyrics to the songs I write. If I seem hard or cold about certain things, understand where I came from in life. I'm not saying I'm right or wrong. I'm only giving you one view point through my eyes. Nothing is carved in stone, except my views and opinions of predators upon innocent children, women and the elderly or the weak. That I hate to admit, will never change. I have witnessed things that normal individuals would never recover from. It's only my own self-perseverance and headstrong determination that have kept me half sane. Stumbling onto the path of the Red Road, has saved me from the place of no return. It has been a long drawn out personal struggle to come out on top when it's all said and done. If my feelings of non-forgiveness for these predators means I myself will never be forgiven for my own bad deeds so be it. I can live with that. But what I can't live with is the acceptance of society for predators of the innocent. Again, does this make me a monster because I hold these views and opinions after the life I've experienced? If by chance the life experiences that formed my views and opinions is in conflict with true Native American cultrue, I sincerely apologize to the Native people. I would never intentionally do anything that would bring shame to the Indians. I'm not perfect by a long shot but I have held everything down deep inside for far too long. I must set it free. Give these thoughts and feelings a life of their own. Right or wrong. I will be the first to tell you my knowledge of the Native American way of life is limited. But I research and I study every single moment I get. I'm learning and growing because of it. Hopefully the Native American Red Road has planted a beautiful seed within my heart that will grow and flourish. There is a mountain of good within me. I pray with all the bullshit aside people will see it and accept and love me despite my obvious faults and character defects. In this, I give the Native Americans and their culture all the credit for anything positive that comes forth from me. Take what I say with a grain of salt. Hope is not lost. No matter where your life is at during this moment in time. No matter how far down you have come. We can change. We can gain self respect, dignity and honor. We can find someone out there to love us and believe in us when we can't love or believe in ourselves. Seek out whatever works for you. For me it's the Native American Red Road. For those who believe life behind bars is a walk in the park, You are sadly mistaken. No matter what crap the Department Of Corrections has shoved down my throat with it's jail-house prison programming or even how much I have been verbally abused and tormented by predatory prison guards, it has never broken my spirit completely. The forced conformity did not change me or make me a better person. It only filled me with contempt for the justice system that gave me the major shaft up the old wazoo. If I am wrong, I'm man enough to accept my "FAIR" punishment. But when all is said and done, let it be over. I've paid a hundred times over for any dirt I have comitted. The justice system couldn't break me, leave it at that. The Native American Red Road is what finally changed me. I can't say enough good about the Redman's spirituality and their wisdom. I'm on this path heart and soul. Nothing else in my life worked. Believe me, I've tried everything. My life is a living testament to that. Where ever I go from here, whether it's back to the state of Oklahoma where my Native American roots began or to any tribe that can use my talent and skills for the benefit of the whole community, I will someday marry a good fullblood Native American woman who'll share my desire to live the Redman's lifeways. I've seen what the civilized world has to offer. You can keep it, thank you. I'll walk the Red Road to wherever it may lead me. In concluding my story of the Red Road, I leave you with the first song I have written in three years. As I didn't have a guitar until my Native American friend, Midnite Crow Feather (and not my family) bought me a guitar as a lesson in the Native American tradition called; "Gifting." I'm very proud of this song. I wish I could play it for you. Not only does it portray what I feel, it also shows that despite all I have lost in life, I still have my song writing talent. No one can ever take that from me. I hope you enjoy the lyrics to my new tune. It's dedicated to the Native American people. It's called; (ONCE IN A WHILE) THE REDMAN CRIES. WADO! |
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"To be great is to
be misunderstood"
Ralph Waldo Emerson c1880
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