Limp Prison Guards,
Viagra
And Our Tax Money

Thanks to a publicly-spirited member of the staff of the Department Of Erections, Central Office, here in Harrisburg, we've been able to inspect the medical claims for thousands of prison guards. What's the bottom line? Lots and lots of Viagra!

Prisoners are penniless, so, in Pennsylvania, they must buy their own medical care. Guards make enormous salaries, so we taxpayers give them free medical care. In Pennsylvania, that perverse, up-side-down system is considered "justice" or "just-us."

But the millions of tax dollars wasted on free medical care for the guards creates a paper-trail. The papers tell a pathetic story. Prison guards can't get it up!

About 1 in 12 "male" prison guards is sexually impotent. But that's okay because we taxpayers buy them their hard-on pills. Pennsylvania prison guards gulp down the boner-honer at the rate of almost 200 hits of Viagra a day! We taxpayers are delighted to spend $1500.00 a day to feed their habit. It helps prop up the drooping virility of hopelessly impotent guards. That's over half a million dollars a year! But it's tax money well spent. It gives horny-but-sagging prison guards the ability to perform . . . if they can buy a partner.

Most guys who become guards and cops feel powerless in their private, home-lives. They are "pussy-whipped," as they say. The men seek the jobs so that they'll feel strong, and in control, and worthwhile.

We've always suspected that guards and cops were also sexual duds. Now, the medical claims prove it! Look at a prison guard and you are watching a sexual flop!

Take the case of a middle-aged guard lieutenant. We'll just call him "Raymond." Like many guards, he's a drunk and a social misfit who's been under psychological treatment. He has no home life and hasn't been a "man" in bed (or any place else) for years.

We taxpayers have now bought Raymond a steady supply of his drug-of-choice, Viagra. Now he can get it up again, but nobody wants him! He's still a drunk and a social misfit, but now he's stiff as a rail thanks to $80.00 a month from our taxes.

One of our officers who's husband is in prison suggested that we publish all the guards' medical claims. Prison administrators have no qualms about revealing prisoners' medical records and subjecting prisoners to ridicule, punishment or exposure. Any common guard is freely told the secrets from a prisoner's medical jacket. Our President thought that it would be fair to publicly expose guards in the same way. We'd be interested in your opinion.