The Random
Prisoner Frisk Search
By: Prisoner Christopher "Snakeoil" Scott
As a captive observer of penal practices and policies for over three decades, I'd very much like to congratulate "the powers that be" at the State Correctional Institution at Smithfield Township in Central Pennsylvania for their initiative in instituting the practice of female "correctional officers" conducting random "frisk searches" of male prisoners. In my humble opinion, it's a practice which was l-o-n-g overdue.

I, for one, would like to see this practice catch fire and rapidly spread through the entire Pennsylvania Department Of Corrections. Nay, across this great nation of ours and into distant prisons everywhere.

To fully appreciate the advantages of such random "frisk searches,' one must study prison regulations: DC-ADM 203, VII., "Search Of Inmate's Person." 
  • e. From the waistline, run the hands down the inmate's 

    • buttocks, all the time feeling the places that might contain contraband. [I wonder what places those could be?]
  • f. Then move both hands to one leg and run them carefully down the leg. At the bottom of the leg, make a point of checking the trouser cuff for concealed articles. Repeat the process on the other leg.
  • g. As the last step to the frisk search, run the hands over the inmate's lower abdomen and crotch, carefully [feeling] for concealed articles that may be taped to those areas. 
Of course, the downside to these female-guard/male-prisoner frisk searches is that they are a cause of great sexual frustration in the form of rapid heart palpitation, increased blood pressure and inappropriate (yet uncontrollable) spontaneous penile erection. Responses, I must add, which, though potentially dangerous for us older prisoners, we gladly endure for the sake of security.

I would personally like to send out a sincere and heartfelt "thank you" to two female "officers" who go out of their way to do a thorough tactical examination: Debby "Cakes" McClemens and Jenna "The Grip" Wakerpeald*. Their extremely creative interpretation and sensuous hands-on practice of the random frisk search makes this "old timer" happy to be imprisoned at SCI-Smithfield.

Before closing, may I give an extra special "thanks" to "CO1" Price for the affectionate squeeze that she gave to the old jewels while pretending to look for gambling paraphernalia.

Keep up the good work:
Snakeoil
*We have altered the names in order to protect the ladies' anonymity.

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