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Many prison guards share a personality flaw: they don't have one.
Guys like Timex and Hubcap and good old Fatty Black can't be blamed
for being what they are.
They were born without a personality.
Sure they're the kind of jerks who make people miserable, but consider what it's like to be them; it must be very unpleasant! If I have to be with Fatty Black for 20 minutes and it makes me nauseous, imagine how sick he must get having to spend every minute with himself. There was a truly obnoxious non-male guard at the Smithfield prison. She was just one of many bitches employed there, all but one severely disciplined with an uglystick. She got the warms (that's like the hots, but less-so) for a big dummy. At least she had a personality, admittedly a bad one reeking of herpes in all the wrong places, but what about the big dummy? the pantry was bare - no personality at all, zip! At the Huntingdon prison there was a jerk named Crider, a neurotic with a Napoleon complex. At least he had the glimmer of a personality - like a Pekingese with worms. Saddly, Fatty Black is just an ugly, vacant hulk, a dog-dump on life support. It would be a tragedy if not for the fact that Fatty Black is a prison guard. Quite a number of Pennsylvania prison guards have been invited to join the "IWIHAP." "I Wish I Had a Personality" doesn't have meetings. They can't stand to be with one another. They just drink heavily and smell bad. What does one do with a personality-less prison guard? There should be therapy of some kind or a prostheses, like a mechanical hip installed in the poor devil's psyche. Truth-to-tell, Fatty Black is beyond rehabilitation. Not even the most clever contraption could substitute for what so many prison guards lack, a personality.
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