There's a lot going on at the Graterford state prison in Southeastern Pennsylvania. The Department of Imprisonment is building 2, count 'm, 2 new prisons on the grounds of the present Graterford prison. No news there, imprisonment is
Pennsylvania's ONLY growing industry. Pennsylvania has a greater percentage of imprisoned citizens than any developed state.
The Department of Imprisonment ("DOC") pretends that after building the 2 new dungeons, they're going to close the old Graterford. We say bullshit! The DOC is so very poorly managed that half the people who are at long-last let out, even the oldest and most unhealthy, are back inside within 3 years. There's no meaningful "correction."
The recent real news from Graterford isn't even the Great Cellphone Drama. It was an Alfred Hitchcock thriller because the DOC is utterly terrified of cellphones. A prisoner might be able to tell the outside world what's really going on! Like drugs, the guards sell cellphones in the prison. The administration became so terrified that they locked down the prison and searched everyone for the scary phones!
From our secret source within Graterford we get the story of the Captain Dugal's Bomb Threat caper. We can't vouch for how much of the story is true. Although we believe it, we report it as a rumor.
As we get the story, a guard captain named Dugal somehow stole one of the prison's golf carts. Because the guards are so extremely lazy, most of the prisons now employ motorized carts for them to ride around the grounds. The taxpayers wouldn't want the overpaid guards to actually have to walk.
The carts are very much like golf carts and that's what everyone seems to call them. Well, apparently Dugal figured nobody would notice that one was missing. He supposedly smuggled it off the prison grounds in an ambulance!
Yeah, sure, prison guards and administrators are as dumb as a basket of grass clippings, but they got jealous when a captain started riding around his estate in splendor, and, O, yes, "what ever happened to cart number 11?"
So, as the story goes, Captain Dugal got busted. He was suspended. Now comes the best part. Dugal retaliated. Retaliation is standard for guards. Of course they're usually retaliating against prisoners. Guards are scum, no two ways about it.
Dugal, in cahoots with Lieutenant Merhold and some unnamed guard called-in a bomb threat against the prison. Even being dumb as a basket of brambles, prison officials and state cops soon identified Dugal's gang as the source of the threat. He and his gang were fired.
We agree that Graterford should be dynamited, but it's never going to happen not even after they open 2 new prisons. Threatening to do it is just plain dumb, the kind of thing we expect from guards.
