What should I happen to see, but two handsful of bananas going down the prison hallway! That wasn't real monkeys purloining the fruit. That was guards. As a matter of fact, it was the two captains of the guards who were entrusted with protecting the prison from just such thefts! Now what do you suppose those two men were going to do with all those stolen bananas? How many had they already packed into their trunks?
One of the things that's always amused me is the fondness that guards (our second most expensive public enemies after politicians) have for charging prisoners with stealing food. It's common for a prisoner to be tossed into the hole for "stealing" scraps of food from the mess hall. I've always wondered who the prisoners are supposed to have stolen the food from. The legislature budgets a certain amount of money to buy food for the prisoners. About a quarter of the food is actually taken by guards or thrown away. Prisoners get only a part of what was appropriated for them.
If a prisoner sneaks some grub or "swag" from the kitchen who'd he steal it from? Himself? The legislature intended the food for prisoners and that's all the guy is doing, distributing the food (often at a tiny carrying charge) to prisoners.
Guards are another matter. Those two captains were certainly stealing from the prisoners and the taxpayers. So what else is new? But, to whom do I report the crime? To the two guards carrying the booty. Guess who would get punished, them or me?
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